i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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