you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
BRING THE BAGELS
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
