How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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