I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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