I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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