on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
