He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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