dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
