i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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