Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
