So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
