No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
