i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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