That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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