Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
