Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
A bitchslap is in order.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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