Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
