Swine flu. Run for my life!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
