Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Congratulations! We have a period
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
