I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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