apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I need water and some morals
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
