what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
