I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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