It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
