Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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