did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
