Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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