my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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