strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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