Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
