I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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