I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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