i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
