Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize
