I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
