No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
