GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
