Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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