I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
