you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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