You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
