butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
