Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
