I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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