...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
my liver is dry heaving
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
