so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
