i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
