My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
