I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
