did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
