Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
