I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
