In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
