i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
